Can love ever be truly unconditional?
It is often spoken of as limitless, selfless, and untouched by expectation. Generations have grown up believing that love asks for nothing in return.
Yet, when looking beyond poetry, cinema, and inherited ideas, love has rarely existed in a vacuum. It has always carried context, framed by time, circumstance, choice, and consent. Even when described as ‘unconditional’.
However, what people once hesitated to admit is now clear in the way modern relationships are evolving among Indian couples. They are moving away from romanticising endurance at any cost.
Needs are being articulated openly, careers that matter, lifestyles that align, values that don’t clash, and emotional safety that remains non-negotiable.
These conditions are no longer treated as threats to love but as boundaries that are acknowledged and respected. In doing so, relationships are becoming less performative.
Emerging relationship lingo offers hints. For instance, a term gaining traction these days is ‘sleep divorce’ — the choice to sleep in separate beds or rooms while remaining in a committed relationship.
The idea is simple: better rest without emotional distance. For many couples, disrupted sleep caused by snoring, loud breathing, restlessness, mismatched schedules, or late-night screen use becomes reason enough to rethink sharing a bed.
Moreover, even without any particular reason, some people just prefer sleeping alone.
According to a recent global sleep survey, about 78 per cent of Indians sleep apart at times. While the practice may unsettle conventional ideas of intimacy, it is increasingly approached as a practical adjustment aimed at better sleep and holistic wellbeing.
In a recent Reddit discussion, a man in his late 30s shared that his wife was a light sleeper, while he snored loudly. Hence, they decided to sleep in separate rooms. Six months in, he added, the system was working “great”.
The comment section quickly filled with similar stories. One user described how moving into separate rooms ended up enhancing the relationship.
Another wrote, “When my partner and I moved in together, having separate bedrooms just made sense. I have cats, he has dogs that hate cats. He’s allergic to cats, and his three large dogs sleep in the bed with him. I wake up at 1.30am for work. Separate rooms were simply the practical choice.”
Sleep coach Martin Joseph notes that the trend is becoming quite common these days. “When I speak to people facing sleep problems, they don’t usually use the term ‘sleep divorce’, but many are already practising it,” he says.
“In about 75 per cent cases, the primary reason is often differing sleep cycles — one partner being an early riser, the other a night owl. Today, people are more aware of the importance of sleep. These issues likely existed earlier as well, but they rarely came to the surface.”
Besides factors such as snoring, Martin adds, even mattress preferences can be a problem. “One partner may prefer a firm bed, while the other would want a soft one,” he says.
“Earlier, people went by the dominant partner’s choice; the other would ‘adjust’. That’s not the case anymore. In fact, now there are customised products designed to accommodate both in one bed unit.”
Economic independence, personal autonomy
Moving beyond the bedroom, another related term that’s being discussed is ‘LAT’ aka ‘Living Apart Together’. It refers to a relationship model where committed partners choose to live separately. Individuals in such arrangements are often described as “apartners”.
Clinical psychologist M A Viswanathan says this model is more common among couples with financial stability, as “economic independence allows greater freedom of choice, opinion, and lifestyle selection”.
As dependency decreases, he notes, individuality and personal autonomy tend to be embraced more openly.
“From the outside, these trends often appear progressive and attractive. While such arrangements can support self-growth and emotional regulation to an extent, their impact at a broader social or communal level may differ,” says Viswanathan.
“Modern relationship structures do encourage independence, but they can also affect core human needs like warmth, care, and bonding. There is a risk of relationships becoming need-based, rather than emotionally secure.”
These shifts, he adds, are part of wider lifestyle changes, where behaviour, attitudes, and bonding patterns are evolving, along with neurological changes brought on by changing lifestyles.
“From a psychological perspective, this can gradually affect emotional connection over time and eventually contribute to distress,” Viswanathan cautions.
Sociologist Bushra Beegom R K also views these trends with caution, particularly in the Indian social context. She notes that while such relationship patterns have existed in small sections of society across generations, what is new is their normalisation under modern labels.
“Normalising or glorifying them as a broader trend is concerning,” she says. “If people increasingly live in isolation, it will affect family structures and social connections.
Relationships are fundamental. Society does not exist in isolation. Everything is interconnected.”
Bushra adds that many of these shifts stem from attempts to adapt Western lifestyle models, which operate within “a very different system of familial and social bonds”.
‘Compromise a rarity’ Prof. Jyothi S Nair, head of sociology at Government KNM Arts and Science College in Kanjiramkulam, notes an increasing emphasis on personal choice and self-focused decision-making. “I can sense this shift during interactions with students,” she says.
“It has become difficult even to organise student tours today because compromise is rare. Everyone prioritises personal choice. This was not part of our cultural framework earlier.”
Long-term bonding, she adds, is sometimes perceived as restrictive, particularly as individuals become more aware of their rights and autonomy.
“Among younger generations, a ‘live and let live’ approach is becoming more visible. There is a strong emphasis on self-management and self-love. This need not be viewed negatively,” says Jyothi.
“Freedom is a basic human need. When individuals are forced to compromise on it, frustration and tension tend to build within relationships. From that perspective, these modern trends may help reduce conflicts by allowing more personal space.”
However, Jyothi also stresses that the modern evolution of relationships does not mean viewing the traditional family system with derision.
“Modern changes can help evolve the family system and move away from rigid patriarchal traditions, but core values and an empathetic approach must remain,” she says.
“Change is a must. Rather than fearing it, adapting thoughtfully is what allows people and societies to move forward.”