Attitude creates altitudes in life. What should be one’s attitude towards oneself and others? In Sanskrit, there are two related words: mitra and maitri. Mitra means ‘friend’, while maitri means ‘friendliness’ or ‘friendship’.
In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna says:
Adveshta sarva-bhutanam maitrah karuna eva cha
Nirmamo nirahankarah sama-duhkha-sukhah ksami (12.13)
‘He who is free from malice towards all beings, friendly and compassionate, rid of “I” and “mine”, balanced in joy and sorrow, and forgiving by nature.’
Do not have dwesha (animosity) towards anybody or anything, but have maitri and karuna (compassion) towards all beings. Please note that he does not use the word mitra. Friendship is a relationship that is defined and confined, while maitri refers to a quality in a relationship; friendliness is not limited to a particular relationship. It is the same quality that makes a flower give its fragrance to all people and things around it, without regard to their social, economic or intellectual status, or even whether they appreciate the fragrance. It imparts its fragrance equally to a stone lying nearby or a buffalo that brushes against it as it grazes on the grass around the bush.
A human being with evolved sensibilities and an enlightened mind should be like a flower—willing to make friends with, and willing to share knowledge and possessions with, anyone or anything they come across in life. Friendliness is a quality of unconditional caring, loving and forgiving. Mitra refers to a friendship that has been nurtured and developed, while maitri stands for a quality of friendliness that evolves into forgiveness when needed.
Is this concept relevant to us in dealing with our sense of guilt? Yes, because it is important for us to forgive ourselves so that we do not nurse a wound of guilt. We can overcome our past and get on with life wisely. When one is wise, one can grow out of one’s guilt, hurt, and frustration. Whipping, hitting or criticising a guilty person is not going to reform them. Similarly, pitying yourself over an ill-advised act is not going to help you grow out of it. Forgiveness of both self and others proceeds from the quality of maitri.
Some forms of justice prescribe amputation of the hands as punishment for theft. All of them fail to realise that the roots of crime go deeper than the physical body and the organs involved in the commission of a particular crime. It is here that maitri should really come into play. Friendliness encompasses much more than friendship or love. It includes compassion, care and mercy; it arises from and applies to the heart, not the body. It is truly twice blessed.
A doctor or an engineer has to keep in constant touch with developments in their respective fields to be a reliable doctor or engineer. If you rest content with what you have learnt as a graduate, you will soon find yourself outdated. Professional and technical fields of knowledge are witnessing rapid change, and if you do not keep pace, you will be left behind. It is the same with what you learn in workshops or programmes you attend for self-development. Think of the knowledge you gain from them as a form of energy. When you are connected to its source, you feel energised. When you lose this contact, you feel weak.
Hence, Krishna says,
Uddhared atmanatmanam natmanam avasadayet
Atmaiva hyatmano bandhur atmaiva ripur atmanah (6.5)
‘One should lift oneself by one’s own efforts and should not degrade oneself; for one’s own self is one’s friend, and one’s own self is one’s enemy.’
Be a friend to yourself and develop friendliness towards yourself.