When someone speaks angrily to us, we also tend to get angry. This further angers the person who is already angry with us. Gautama Buddha repeatedly showed us that a wise person is one who keeps cool under provocation. The one speaking without anger is more likely to convince the other person than one speaking in anger.
Once, there was a brahmin whose wife was a disciple of the Buddha. One day, she uttered a verse in praise of the Buddha. This angered the brahmin, who was opposed to the Buddha. He went to the Buddha with a challenging question that he hoped the Buddha would not be able to answer, as he was opposed to any kind of killing. He asked, ‘What do we have to kill to be able to live happily and peacefully?’ The Buddha replied, ‘To be able to live happily and peacefully, we have to kill our ill-will.’ The brahmin was so satisfied with the answer that he became a disciple of the Buddha.
The brahmin’s brother was a great abuser called Akkosaka Bharadvaja, meaning ‘the abusive Bharadvaja’. When he heard that his brother had joined the order of the Buddha’s bhikkhus, he became furious. He went to the Buddha and abused and insulted him with harsh words. The Buddha kept his cool. He asked, ‘O Brahmin, do friends, colleagues, relatives and family members visit you?’ The brahmin replied, ‘Sometimes they do.’ The Buddha asked, ‘Do you serve them food and water?’ The brahmin replied, ‘Sometimes I do.’ The Buddha asked, ‘If you offer them food and water, but they don’t accept it, who does it belong to?’ The brahmin replied, ‘In that case, it still belongs to me.’ The Buddha smiled and said, ‘O Brahmin, in the same way, when you abuse, harass and attack us, who do not abuse, harass and attack you, we don’t accept it. The abuse still belongs to you.’
Bharadvaja said that though the Buddha was said to be fully enlightened, he still got angry. The Buddha denied that he was angry and told Bharadvaja, ‘When you get angry at an angry person, you just make things worse for yourself. When you don’t get angry at an angry person, you win a hard battle. When you know that the other person is angry, you act for the good of both yourself and the other person if you stay mindful and calm.’ Akkosaka Bharadvaja realised the Buddha’s greatness and entered the order of bhikkhus and, in due course, became an arhat (one who has reached a state of perfection and enlightenment).
When his two younger brothers came to know of this, they too came to see the Buddha and abused him. The Buddha again dealt coolly with them, and they too entered his order!