If Leander Paes’ Olympic medal in Atlanta started a yearning for quadrennial glory in the world’s most prestigious sporting event, Beijing is where the blue touch paper was lit. In the 12 years and three Olympic cycles from Atlanta to Beijing, the glass ceiling hadn’t been shattered but it was being pricked and prodded. Abhinav Bindra’s medal, the first individual gold at the Games, was a black swan event.
Till Beijing, ambition was limited; get to the Games. These days, the ambitions are on another planet; hosting it in the near future. Sixteen years ago, a bespectacled man changed the grammar of Olympic success. In an interview to this daily, Bindra spoke about his career, his learnings, how he changed from Olympics to Olympics and why he had a ‘great closure’ at the Rio Games. Excerpts:
Your experiences of shooting on an uneven surface at the Athens Olympics has been well documented. Overall, how did the whole experience of Athens change you?
It changed my approach to shooting. I became completely detached from outcomes because the experience taught me that no matter how much you put in, sometimes the result is not in your control. As an athlete, what you can focus is on being the best you can be and immerse yourself in the process of shooting. That mentality and detachment was borne out of that disappointment and failure at Athens. That changed me as a person. Going into Beijing, much was driven to a great degree of attention to detail but more than that, detachment from outcomes. Much was spoken about the lack of reaction when I won... but I put that down to the detachment. For me, the greatest thrill was my ability to execute when it really mattered. It was my ability to remain in the moment... I do feel that had a significant impact on my performance and outcome (in Beijing). Life is all about failing well. Athens was a failure and it was about from experience and being prepared for every eventuality.
You speak about your reaction after winning gold. Did you ever think, ‘hang on, may be I could have celebrated a bit more?’
Why give out a fake reaction? It was something which was real and it’s what I felt. I felt a great amount of inner peace and satisfaction and that is what it’s all about. An outward reaction if it’s not coming out, why would I want to fake it? I have never thought like that. I have never looked back at the video and thought ‘I should have done this or that’.
Something you did before the final was raid the hotel room’s mini bar for a drink. Was it part of any routine?
Definitely not part of any routine. It was something... I’m human, I’m also vulnerable. It’s well documented that I had a massive panic attack the night before. The story has gone viral... I didn’t win because of the drink.
When you sat down to write the book, what was that process like?
It was very therapeutic. It was that way primarily because athletes seldom have the luxury and liberty to look back at their career. It was also an opportunity to let go off things I was carrying. It was a great experience and I really enjoyed the process. It was also a great experience to tell my story in a very honest way and to put my vulnerabilities not under the carpet but to actually write about them because I do believe that writing about vulnerabilities is powerful not just to myself but also to other athletes who may gain strength.
How did you change as a person from Olympics to Olympics?
I competed in five Olympics and in each of them, I was a different person. I had a different strategy, outlook, perspective, motivation and it was a very natural thing to happen. We are humans, we keep changing over time. Our outlooks and perspectives to life change and we have to keep changing. Sometimes, as individuals and athletes, we do make the mistake of trying to live our life in circles, keep repeating what once worked. But that rarely works primarily because it’s not just the external things that change in terms of competitions. The most important thing to consider is the internal factors which keep changing. As a 17-year-old in Sydney, I had a certain outlook. At my last Games as a 34-year-old, I had a different outlook to life and sport.
The period between Athens and Beijing was extremely intense and obsessive and it was impossible to keep going in that way. When I won in Beijing, I had different challenges, dealing with success. I had a void the victory had created and it took a while to regain my energy and to find motivation to look at sport again.
You have had the highest of highs as well as lows? How did you deal with these two opposing results?
As athletes, we learn to deal with it. For me, I don’t look at it as wins and losses. If we look at the life of an athlete in that way, you are not going to survive for long. It’s the external world which simplifies a sports career by classifying it as wins or losses. For an athlete, it’s the journey which is extremely fulfilling and rewarding. You have learnt so much along the way and that is how I look back at my sports career. It’s not whether I won a medal or not, that’s a very simplistic way of looking at an athlete’s career. An athlete’s career has much more to offer, much more to it than an outcome from a sports competition. At the Olympics, there are over 10000 competitors. Only 300 go back with gold. What about the other 9700? For an athlete, it’s more nuanced (than a win or a loss). For me, frankly, if you look at my last Games in Rio, I finished 4th. It was a great closure to my career because I had given it my all. A medal would have been nice but it’s what it’s. It was a wonderful closure not because of a medal or no medal but because of the absence of regret and that is a wonderful place for a human being to be at.
Do you think the Indian sports media are guilty of falling into the trip of framing careers through the prism of wins and losses?
I wouldn’t say it’s only in India. But that’s life. We live in a world which is very outcome driven but I do feel it’s changing. I don’t follow sports very carefully but in whatever I observe and read, the Indian media is getting more and more interested in showing the life of an athlete, showing what goes behind the athlete’s life. They are not just focused on the outcome. That is nice to see. Of course, end of the day, a sports competition is mainly about winning and losing. So, I’m not saying we have to lose focus on that. That will always the primary focus for athletes, fans and media and that’s fine. But I think we have to supplement it with the human side of the athletes’ life.