A catchy song with an infectious rhythm, portraying ‘innocent romance’ soaked in early-2000s nostalgia. Couples show their unassuming rewind from a happy present-day marriage back to grainy, low-resolution images of the time they first met.
The recent ‘Kilichundan Mambazhame’ trend was supposed to be just that — light, playful, and sentimental.
However, many of these rewind reels triggered a disturbing question: is it ‘true love’ or a case of grooming? Several videos show 15- and 16-year-old adolescents in romantic relationships with adult men, with drastic age gaps between the two. Commenters under many of these reels pointed out the Pocso law, and slammed these as probable cases of sexual grooming.
What shocked many viewers was the celebratory tone — adult relationships with minors presented as sweet, nostalgic love stories. Many of ‘Kilichundan’ posts have been deleted following the outrage.
To the casual viewer, the images may signal “couple goals”, flooded with heart emojis and likes. To legal experts and child rights activists, these are closer to virtual confessions.
“A 15-second reel can be more than controversial. It can be evidence,” says retired police sub-inspector Kuttikrishnan.
Meanwhile, the trend has sparked conversations about child grooming in today’s society. While the Pocso Act of 2012 does not explicitly define ‘grooming’, it addresses the actions that constitute it.
Furthermore, the Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita (BNS) 2023 covers offences such as stalking, enticing a minor, online luring, befriending with intent to abuse, and exploitation, underlining the seriousness of such conduct.
Last year, a Pocso court sentenced a 25-year-old man to 20 years for repeatedly raping a 15-year-old girl. The judge noted that Sujith, who was arrested in 2023, had groomed the minor and exploited her family situation.
In another case, a 20-year-old man was sentenced to 63 years of rigorous imprisonment for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old. According to court documents, the accused had developed a relationship with the minor and had lured her into an abandoned building near her home.
The girl later became pregnant and was taken to the hospital, where the staff alerted the police.
In 2025 alone, over 4,600 Pocso cases were filed in Kerala. Legal experts say many of these involve grooming.
Advocate Manoj P, with over 24 years of experience in criminal law, says “there is no time limit” for reporting a Pocso offence. “An adult survivor can file a complaint at any age for abuse suffered in childhood. In such cases, Pocso overrides other marital laws,” he notes.
Grooming, he explains, is a process of manipulation. The adult positions themselves as a mentor, protector or hero. “Prolonged emotional manipulation alters the child’s wants and boundaries to suit the predator’s interests,” he says.
“Slowly, the minor is conditioned to perceive the relationship as their own initiative.”
Mahesh M M, a clinical psychologist and assistant professor at Government Brennan College, concurs with the lawyer’s take. “Adolescents are not capable of making fully informed decisions. That requires a level of cognitive maturity teenagers simply do not possess,” he says.
“By the time the minor turns 18, years of manipulation may already have blurred their sense of the world beyond the relationship.”
Why is it normalised?
Despite Kerala’s high literacy rates, many people openly romanticise past relationships with minors. “This is often normalised within households that lack honest intra-family communication,” Mahesh says.
“Moreover, society chooses the comfort of the loyalty narrative over the uncomfortable truth of violation. Grooming is wrapped in a warm blanket labelled ‘old-school romance’.”
Relationships that begin with minors are frequently legitimised once they end in marriage. The viral trend, he says, reflects survivor bias.
“Viewers only see the marriages that ‘worked’. They miss the thousands of groomed minors who were exploited, mistreated, silenced, abandoned, or left with lifelong trauma,” Mahesh points out.
Psychiatrist Dr Arun B Nair warns that such trends desensitise adolescents into believing relationships with adults lead to stability and happiness. “The sanitised videos never show the full picture. Teenagers may assume an older man is more sorted and responsible than boys their own age,” he says.
Most cases of child sexual abuse begin with grooming, which initially appears harmless. “First comes trust, then isolation, and then abuse. By the time the harm becomes visible, the child is already traumatised,” he adds.
Senior psychiatrist C J John, who often conducts awareness sessions for students, cautions against generalising all the videos as cases of child sexual abuse. He, however, adds that grooming is a reality in today’s world.
“Many adolescents are being preyed upon by adults,” he says. “At a vulnerable age, when in a transitional period into adulthood, they are vulnerable to what may appear as external validation. Adults can appear as a caring well-wisher or liberator. They will project themselves as the only ones to understand these children. Subsequently, they will exploit them.”
Dr John stresses that it is always the responsibility of the adult to reject even if a teenager approaches them, maybe out of fascination. “Teenagers are not grown-ups. Their prefrontal cortex hasn’t been developed, and they cannot consent,” he says.
According to him, social media, video games and real-life proximity offer chances for predators to target teenagers, especially those who might be facing issues in their lives. “This is a reality. We need to equip the system, the children and parents to effectively deal when it comes to such situations,” he says.
Experts say the concepts such as digital hygiene, consent, manipulation and exploitation has to be drilled in at a young age. Because the ‘Kilichundan Mambazhame’ trend will eventually fade, but the hazard remains.
What is sexual grooming?
Sexual grooming begins when an adult establishes an emotional connection with a minor. The first phase often involves no physical or sexual contact. Instead, it focuses on gaining trust, testing boundaries, and building psychological control.
To the child and onlookers, it may appear caring or harmless. To the groomer, it is the first stage of manipulation. When the adult becomes the child’s primary emotional support, dependency is created. This makes resistance harder and disclosure unlikely.
The social evil has emerged as a major concern across the world, especially after a UK scandal revealed long-term child sexual exploitation by “grooming gangs”.
Horrid truth
Globally, two-thirds of children experience sexual, physical or emotional abuse.
Violence against children can — and does — happen anywhere, including in spaces that are supposed to be safe – homes, schools, communities and online.
Studies say childhood sexual abuse rearranges the neural pathways of the survivors — it alters brain function, cognition, and emotion. The issue is compounded by the survivor’s guilt.
Society largely pins partial guilt on the victim, with questions like, ‘You went with it, why did you talk to him?’. As a result, the victims begin to internalise guilt for the crimes of adults. They simply don’t get a space to heal, experts point out.