Revanth Reddy has told us to work from home, the Telangana weatherman has given us the data, and we’ve all personally witnessed these rains. And yet — nobody, literally nobody in Hyderabad, carries an umbrella.
The reasons are best known to us, but if you ask, here’s the real answer.
Firstly, anything in Hyderabad can be linked to our lazy, laid-back attitude. Who wants to carry another object and risk looking like Kishore Kumar running around in Rhim Jhim Bhare Saawan? Yes, we’re lazy — but we’re not in Kolkata to romanticise that look. In Hyderabad, our idea of romance in the rain is ordering extra mirchi bajji and asking the Swiggy guy to ‘come fast’ while he’s basically scuba diving to your house.
Also, have you seen the rains here? These rains have swept away cars weighing 100 kilos. A 100-gram umbrella will be the first thing to fly away — like an employee who just got their salary and wants to abscond.
We may not carry umbrellas, but the idea of umbrellas exists — in the form of metro pillars, bus stops, and the small overhang outside a kirana shop. We’ll happily stand at the shop’s entrance to stay dry, but we won’t step inside and actually buy an umbrella. Even the shopkeeper doesn’t mind getting wet — he’d rather get drenched than open the cover of the only umbrella available for sale.
Some of us secretly hope our laptops get wet and stop working, so we can get downtime without being questioned. Unfortunately, some laptops are too sturdy — even multiple baptisms in rainwater won’t turn the keyboard into a surfboard. At this point, I might as well use my laptop to cover my head instead of an umbrella.
Then there’s infrastructure. The British built an entire system around umbrellas — you go inside a restaurant or building, and there’s a neat place to park them. In Hyderabad, there’s no parking even for vehicles. Where will we keep umbrellas?
And honestly, it’s not a budget problem. Most of us already own one umbrella. But it’s only used when an elderly guest visits — the precious VIP treatment so they don’t get wet between the auto and the front door.
I bought my umbrella because it was colourful and bright. I was attracted to it like a moth to light. I use it less in the rain and more to show support for the LGBTQIA community. But Pride Month is over, so it’s gone back into the closet until next year.
And finally, some of us are Charlie Chaplins — we enjoy walking in the rain so nobody can see us cry. Though in Hyderabad, if you’re walking in the rain, someone will assume the rain isn’t that bad and will join you, thinking it’s a protest march against the Supreme Court order on stray dogs in Delhi.
So yes, Hyderabad rains will continue, Revanth Reddy will keep advising, the weatherman will keep forecasting — and we will keep getting drenched. Umbrellas are just not our style. Have you ever seen the Nizam with an umbrella? Exactly.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)