BENGALURU: It was a usual Friday, when he took his two daughters, aged 10 and eight years, for the weekend but never sent them back home to their mother on Sunday – an arrangement he and his estranged wife had agreed to on the children’s shared custody as an informal pact of their impending divorce. The man instead took his daughters to a luxury hotel in Bengaluru on Sunday evening, for what seemed like a happy staycation for children.
On Monday, when the girls didn’t get home, the mother called her elder daughter in the forenoon and asked their whereabouts. The girl said they were in a hotel with their father and would be home in a couple of hours. That was the last conversation the two had. In the next few hours, she and her younger sibling were found dead on the bed. Their father, after reportedly killing them, attempted suicide but survived after he was rescued by the hotel staff and police.
In June, caught in a domestic row between her parents, an 11-month child suffered fatal injuries after she was reportedly tossed out of their house by her father in suburban Bengaluru.
In March, a six-year-old girl was allegedly killed by her mother’s paramour in his car in Bengaluru city. The mother and the accused then drove for hours before the death was reported to the police by the hospital where the child was taken next morning, on the alleged pretext of reviving her. The hospital reported her brought dead and informed the police. The police had initially registered a case of unnatural death, but three months later, changed it to homicide investigation.
In January 2024, a 39-year-old data scientist took her four-year-old son to Goa and killed him. She was arrested in Davanagere while travelling back to Bengaluru in a taxi. In her suitcase, the police found the body of her slain son.
In distant Himachal Pradesh, a man reportedly threw his six-year-old son in the Ravi river after having a heated telephonic conversation with his wife, who was visiting her maternal home with their second child. He later turned himself in to the police.
What triggers filicide
That strained marital relationships between parents have an adverse and very often, chronic impact on children and their mental health is an established fact. But the killing of a child by a parent is a rare and profoundly disturbing event. It is extremely difficult to understand filicide. In the first case, the father killed his daughters because he didn’t want them to stay with their mother, whose fidelity he suspected.
In the second case, the child fell victim to a fight between her warring parents, unhappy with each other and their relationship. In the third case, the minor girl was fatally attacked by her mother’s paramour when the three were out celebrating the woman’s birthday. The latter had moved away from her husband and was living with the accused along with her younger daughter.
The child was perhaps perceived as ‘unwanted’ and an ‘obstacle’ in their relationship by the accused. In the case of the data scientist, she allegedly killed her son to avoid handing over his custody to her estranged husband. The two were locked in a battle of child custody.
In HP, the father resorted to the extreme act of killing his child after a dispute with his wife on the phone and alleged financial insecurity.
“Filicide or parents killing their children is rarely caused by marital conflict alone. Marital conflict, particularly separation, suspected infidelity, custody disputes, substance use, humiliation, or fear of losing the family can act as a precipitating stressor in a psychologically vulnerable individual. It comes from a turbulent inner space,” said Dr Suresh Bada Math, Professor of Psychiatry and Head of Forensic Psychiatry unit, National Institute of Mental Health & Neuro Sciences (Nimhans).
“The relationship of filicide may operate through several pathways in marital disputes such as revenge, in which the child becomes a means of punishing the spouse; possessiveness, where the child is perceived as a prized possession; jealousy or suspicion in which the parent thinks the child does not belong to him; custody conflict in which the parent develops an intolerable fear of losing the child; suicidal thinking and depression under which a severely distressed parent with suicidal thoughts may worry about the fate of his/her children after they die, and decide to kill them before ending their lives.
There are instances of psychosis, under which distorted beliefs directly influence the decision to harm the child. Therefore, infidelity, depression or marital discord can be considered as risk factors or precipitants, not explanations by themselves,” explained Bada Math.
He added that the “concern arises when marital conflict is accompanied by threats, history of violence, severe jealousy, coercive control, suicidal/homicidal ideation, substance use, psychosis, or escalating custody disputes. Other factors such as nuclear family, poor family connection, no social support, childhood trauma, psychiatric vulnerability, personality issues and series of loss add to existing vulnerabilities. When all possible safeguarding mechanisms in the anomic society fail, disaster strikes,” said the leading forensic psychiatrist.
“In some cases of filicide, where a parent wishes to end relationship with the spouse and move ahead with his or her life with someone else, they begin to perceive their children as the product, symbol and proof of that ‘bad’ relationship; of something terrible that had happened to them, and they kill them to end that relationship and get psychological closure,” said Dr SA Deepak, faculty, criminology, National Forensic Sciences University (NFSU), Gandhinagar, Gujarat.
“In some other instances of ‘empathetic’ filicide, parents who harbour suicidal thoughts kill their children out of ‘deep care’. They begin fearing their future without parents and kill them once they reach a breaking point.
There are instances in which a father, because of a serious financial crisis, decides to kill his children, wife and himself to save them from humiliation. He imagines that it’s his duty to provide for the family and since he cannot do it any longer, he should not subject any of his family members to shame,” added Deepak.
“Extraordinary pain or frustration can also lead to extraordinary behaviour. It is not, however, true of everyone. Also, in a majority of cases of filicide, mental illness may not be the reason,” said the criminologist.
Role of family members
The one question that haunts us all is the role of the immediate family members and grandparents in failing to assess children’s vulnerability in a disturbed home and taking timely steps to protect them.
“Children caught in a severe marital conflict require protection through early identification, risk assessment and coordinated intervention. Warning signs include threats of suicide or homicide, domestic violence, pathological jealousy, separation or custody disputes, coercive control, substance use, severe depression or psychosis, and statements suggesting that children should “go with” or be “better off” with the parent.
When such risks are present, children should not be left unsupervised with a high-risk parent, and a clear safety plan involving trusted relatives, mental health professionals, child protection services and, when necessary, the police should be established,” said Bada Math.
“Some decades ago, when people lived in joint family setups, each family member played the role of a sponge and important decisions of each member went through everyone else in the family. This acted as a major safeguard. Now, couples live alone.
Society and extended family members see marriage as a personal and private issue between the husband and wife, and not as a family affair. Children being the most vulnerable members suffer the consequences of broken relationships between their parents and violence at home,” said Deepak.
“It takes a village to raise a child. Support networks in urban spaces are poor. Nobody is looking at the child, their safety and interest. Earlier, the presence of elders and other family members under the same roof worked as a buffer for children. In nuclear families and disturbed marital relationships, who makes a call for them?
Nobody comes to the rescue of children,” said Dr Eesha Sharma, associate professor, Department of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Nimhans. “If a parent has mental illness, it is a risk factor for the child’s physical safety. They can become targets of displaced emotions of the parent,” she added.
It is a fact that parenting comes with no lessons. In our deeply entrenched traditional systems of parenting, instances of filicide are wake-up calls of help to children and parents.
Urban families under stress
With the strain of urban living, increasing pressures, lack of family support and resilience, children are getting caught in the vicious web of adult trauma, stress and abuse at home. “The extended family or close friends should step in and encourage the couple to seek professional marital counselling, when they feel that things are going out of hand, and not imagine that the couple will sort things out on their own,” said Dr John Vijay Sagar, Professor and Head of Department, Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Nimhans.
“There are signs of distress in a marriage that need professional handling. If they see violence at home, change in routine, mood swings, increased aggression, chronic insomnia, change in interpersonal relationships in one or both spouses, they should actively engage in getting the couple professional help.
Children are the most vulnerable in a broken home, and can develop long-lasting mental health issues. They express fear and a deep sense of insecurity. Their brain undergoes changes and they can suffer chronic stress and develop trust issues,” added Vijay Sagar.
“Extended families and communities should not regard escalating marital conflict as merely a private matter when children’s safety is at stake. Ultimately, the child must be recognised as a potential victim of marital conflict, and prevention requires early recognition, shared responsibility, adequate resources and timely multidisciplinary intervention,” said Bada Math.
“It is imperative that the state makes a substantial financial investment in child protection and family support systems, greater community awareness about the psychological impact of divorce/child custody cases on children/family, and availability of adequately trained mental health professionals for early assessment, counselling and intervention,” he added.
SUPPORT FOR SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS, PARENTS
In August 2022, a four-year-old special needs child was hurled to death, allegedly by her 34-year-old dentist-mother, from their fourth-floor apartment in Bengaluru. The mother later attempted suicide but was rescued by her neighbours.
She was unable to carry on with her practice because of her daughter’s health, and was reportedly depressed. Children with disabilities have specific vulnerabilities, which put them at increased risk of abuse and homicide, primarily because of caregiver stress and altruistic intention. “Children with disabilities can be particularly vulnerable in
families experiencing prolonged stress and adversity. Caring for a child with significant disabilities can, at times, place emotional, physical and financial demands on caregivers, especially when families lack adequate respite care, social support and access to appropriate services,” said Prof Suresh Bada Math. “It is important to emphasize that disability itself does not cause filicide. It is the combination and cumulative interaction of caregiver vulnerability, family stress, social circumstances and inadequate support systems that may increase risk,” he added.